Godly Relationships Part 1: Courtship and Marriage

Marriage and Courtship

It is such a vast subject that I can't cover it all so these topics just skim the surface of a vast ocean of godly living for couples.

Please remember, dear brothers and sisters, that:

 2 Timothy 3:16-17
All Scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness, that the man of God may be complete, thoroughly equipped for every good work.  

We also have to remember that because God is truth and He cannot lie, then His word is absolute truth too.

Marriage is so important to God, it was the first institution to be set up by Him. 

Genesis 2:18-25 And the LORD God said, "It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him." Out of the ground the LORD God formed every beast of the field and every bird of the air, and brought them to Adam to see what he would call them. And whatever Adam called each living creature, that was its name. So Adam gave names to all cattle, to the birds of the air, and to every beast of the field. But for Adam there was not found a helper comparable to him.
And the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall on Adam, and he slept; and He took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh in its place. Then the rib which the LORD God had taken from man He made into a woman, and He brought her to the man.
And Adam said:


"This is now bone of my bones
And flesh of my flesh;
She shall be called Woman,
Because she was taken out of Man."


Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.
And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed.

He instituted it for long term companionship, security, procreation and because we are uniquely created in His image and different from the animals.

It is a picture of God's covenant with His people, the Israelites and was not to be broken

Malachi 2:11 Judah has dealt treacherously,
And an abomination has been committed in Israel and in Jerusalem,
For Judah has profaned
The LORD's holy institution which He loves:
He has married the daughter of a foreign god.

People who fall away from this covenant had to be delivered

Proverbs 2:16-17 To deliver you from the immoral woman,
From the seductress who flatters with her words,
Who forsakes the companion of her youth,
And forgets the covenant of her God. 

Marriage is also a picture of Christ's relationship with His church

Ephesians 5:23-27 For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish.

Revelation 21:9 Then one of the seven angels who had the seven bowls filled with the seven last plagues came to me and talked with me, saying, "Come, I will show you the bride, the Lamb's wife." 

At the heart of marriage there is to be intimacy and oneness

Genesis 2:18
And the LORD God said, "It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him."

Genesis 2:24
Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.

God only intended marriage to be between a man and a woman - we see this clearly in all of these verses. Also sexual union must only take place after marriage:

Hebrews 13:4
Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge. 

I would go further and say that 2 people should not start courting unless they have marriage in mind! God takes His covenant seriously, and so should we!!

Sexual union is the ultimate binding together of the lifetime covenant between a man and woman - it is the sealing of their marriage vows. In effect they are both saying that they belong to each other and no other human! To have a relationship involving any sexual activity before marriage is going against God's eternal plan, not just for Christians but for the whole of humanity. It is also committing fornication - something Scripture condemns!

http://www.biblegateway.com/cgi-bin/bible?SearchType=AND&language=english&version=NKJV&searchpage=0&search=fornication

Far too many Christians take courtship and marriage too lightly - before entering into any relationship time should be spent on both sides praying and seeking the Lord's divine wisdom and counsel! You ask permission to marry a person from your earthly father, how much more we should consult with our Heavenly Father on these things!! God sees marriage as being very important. Contrary to modern thinking - marriage and the family are still the backbone of society! Why do you think Satan is using all his power to attack this very institution that is at the centre of God's heart?

Who should I marry then? The Bible is very clear on this issue:

2 Corinthians 6:14-18 Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And what communion has light with darkness? And what accord has Christ with Belial? Or what part has a believer with an unbeliever? And what agreement has the temple of God with idols? For you are the temple of the living God. As God has said:


"I will dwell in them
And walk among them.
I will be their God,
And they shall be My people."

Therefore

"Come out from among them
And be separate, says the Lord.
Do not touch what is unclean,
And I will receive you."
"I will be a Father to you,
And you shall be My sons and daughters,
Says the LORD Almighty."

Amos 3:3
Can two walk together, unless they are agreed? 

God tells us in His word that we are not to be conformed to this world (Romans 12:2). We have to be seperated from all worldliness - how can we be seperate if we marry someone who is of this world and has no love for Christ in their hearts? Christ would never allow an unbeliever to be part of His bride!

Mixed marriages lead to sin:

Exodus 34:16
and you take of his daughters for your sons, and his daughters play the harlot with their gods and make your sons play the harlot with their gods. 

Also read in 1 Kings 11, how Solomon turned to the gods of his heathen wives!!

In Nehemiah 13:23-27 - judgement fell upon those who were deliberately marrying heathens!

We need to stand firm in the faith and not do as the world does - the world waters down the word and makes it ineffective for witnessing! How can God bless us and send His Holy Spirit down to revive the church if we are going against His will and word? If we honour Him, He will honour us (1 Samuel 2:30b).

NB: If you are already married to a non-believer - don't go rushing out to get a divorce! PART 2 - Divorce and remarriage

May He bless you all richly with all the abundence of His providencial graces,

In Him

Carolyn xxxx

Godly Relationships part 2: Divorce and Remarriage

Divorce and Re-marriage

As marriage is an institution set up by God and it should last until 'death do us part', divorce should never be taken lightly. Of course, we live in a world which is groaning under the weight of sin! This topic is not being posted by me to be judgemental - it is how I see Scripture as God views divorce in the light of His covenant with His people!

I wish to remind you that marriage was the first institution set up by God way back in Genesis 2:21-25 

Genesis 2:21-25
And the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall on Adam, and he slept; and He took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh in its place. Then the rib which the LORD God had taken from man He made into a woman, and He brought her to the man.
And Adam said:


"This is now bone of my bones
And flesh of my flesh;
She shall be called Woman,
Because she was taken out of Man."

Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.
And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed.

It is a picture of God's covenant with Israel and in the new covenant a picture of Christ (as the Bridegroom) and His church (the Bride).

The first allowance of divorce was back in Moses' day - Deuteronomy 24 

Law Concerning Divorce
Laws Concerning the Family

Deuteronomy 24:1-4
 "When a man takes a wife and marries her, and it happens that she finds no favor in his eyes because he has found some uncleanness in her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce, puts it in her hand, and sends her out of his house, when she has departed from his house, and goes and becomes another man's wife, if the latter husband detests her and writes her a certificate of divorce, puts it in her hand, and sends her out of his house, or if the latter husband dies who took her as his wife, then her former husband who divorced her must not take her back to be his wife after she has been defiled; for that is an abomination before the LORD, and you shall not bring sin on the land which the LORD your God is giving you as an inheritance. 

Christ also mentions this fact in Matthew 19:8 

Matthew 19:8
He said to them, "Moses, because of the hardness of your hearts, permitted you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so."

The only grounds in Scripture for divorce is because of adultery.

Matthew 5:32
But I say to you that whoever divorces his wife for any reason except sexual immorality causes her to commit adultery; and whoever marries a woman who is divorced commits adultery.

If someone divorces their spouse and re-marries then they are committing adultery

Mark 10:12
And if a woman divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery.

Luke 16:18
"Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced from her husband commits adultery."

Keep Your Marriage Vows

1 Corinthians 7:10-11
 Now to the married I command, yet not I but the Lord: A wife is not to depart from her husband. But even if she does depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband. And a husband is not to divorce his wife.

Those above passages imply that anyone who is divorced must not remarry! I do know of Christians who have been divorced (through no fault of their own - the divorce has been filed against them!) so should they have remarried? One person was not a believer when he got divorced but has remarried after becoming a believer! This is such a tricky area to cover. I have discussed this with a friend and she believes that people can remarry - so long as they were the innocent party (ie - the divorce was filed against them and not vice versa!).

What if I have an unbelieving spouse? I am going to stick my head above the parapit here and say (from Scripture) that if you were a Christian before you married your unbelieving spouse, then you have gone against Scripture (as discussed in the previous topic), but 

1 John 1:9
If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

You must not however rush out and seek a divorce!

1 Corinthians 7:12-13
But to the rest I, not the Lord, say: If any brother has a wife who does not believe, and she is willing to live with him, let him not divorce her. And a woman who has a husband who does not believe, if he is willing to live with her, let her not divorce him.

Although it is Paul who says this and not the Lord, he was an apostle, personally chosen by the Lord Jesus Christ and he had an immense grasp of scriptural truth!

If an unbelieving spouse is not happy, then they are permitted to leave

1 Corinthians 7:15
But if the unbeliever departs, let him depart; a brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases. But God has called us to peace.

If you are married to an unbeliever then you must act in a godly way and be a witness to them

Submission to Husbands
Serving and Suffering for God's Glory

1 Peter 3:1-2
 Wives, likewise, be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they, without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives, when they observe your chaste conduct accompanied by fear.

These days we hear of people getting divorced for such trivial and ridiculous reasons - the spouse became too fat, had too many wrinkles, burnt the toast etc etc. Divorce is serious!! Marriage is also serious - it has to be worked out - just as our salvation is worked out! OK it is tough and there will be times when your spouse will wind you up and drive you crazy, but remember, marriage is a picture of Christ's relationship with His church - one which is from eternity and will go into eternity, so with this in mind, let us all seek to have godly marriages, striving to serve and honour the Lord within this God-given institution and not looking for a way out when things get tough - seek the Lord in ALL things!

Another thing to remember - Satan is the enemy of God and he is always out to destroy anything that God has put in place - marriage and proper relationships in general seem to be under such heavy attacks in these days! Stand firm, put on the armour of God and resist the devil, then he will flee from you (even within a troubled marriage!!)

Sanctification can come through our marriages!

May the Lord bless you richly within your homes and marriages, beloved brothers and sisters in the Lord.

In Him

Carolyn xxxx

Woman made out of Adam's rib - Matthew Henry

“The woman was made of a rib out of the side of Adam; not made out of his head to rule over him, nor out of his feet to be trampled upon by him, but out of his side to be equal with him, under his arm to be protected, and near his heart to be beloved.” 

Matthew Henry

1 Corinthians 13: 4-8 - LOVE is... Love is not...

^v4 

Love suffers long [is patient]

 is kind;

love does not envy;

love does not parade itself, is not puffed up;  

^v5

does not behave rudely, 

does not seek its own, 

is not provoked, 

thinks no evil;

^v6

does not rejoice in iniquity, 

but rejoices in the truth; 

^v7

bears all things, 

believes all things,

hopes all things,  

endures all things.

^v8

Love never fails. 

Why we cannot lose our salvation

If we could lose our salvation:

1. God would have to de-adopt us – we could no longer call Him ‘Abba, Father’ - Romans 8:15; Galatians 4:6

2. God would have to take back the GIFT of grace through faith He has given us - Ephesians 2:8-10; Romans 11:6

3. Christ would have to divorce members of His Bride - Ephesians 5:22ff; Revelation 21:2,9

4. We would have to work to keep our salvation, but salvation is based on Christ's work, not our own  -  Romans 9:11; Galatians 2:16; Philippians 2:13

5. God would be saying - Christ's work wasn't good enough for you after all

6. We never would have been good enough to be saved anyway - see Romans 3:12,23; Isaiah 64:6; Jeremiah 17:9

7. Why would Christ bother preparing a place if anyone was going to lose their salvation? - John 14:3

8. Every Christian has been bought with a price - so if we could lose our salvation, that would mean that God would have to sell us back to the world after paying such a high price? I think not!  - 1 Corinthians 6:20; 7:23

9. God would have to take away the Holy Spirit - the Comforter, our Helper - John 14:16; John 15:26

10. God would be breaking His promises never to leave nor forsake His people and also the promise - none shall snatch them from My hand - Joshua 1:5c/Hebrews 13:5; John 10:28,29

11. God would have to spiritually murder/kill those He had saved (brought to life) - Romans 8:11; 1 Corinthians 15:22; Ephesians 2:1,5; Colossians 2:13

12. God would have to bind us up again - Romans 6 (various verses)

13. He hasn't saved us to the uttermost and has stopped making intercession for us - Hebrews 7:25 (Hebrews is a fabulous book to see Christ in all His glorious work)

14. The glorious work begun in us wouldn't be seen to completion - Philippians 1:6

15. God would no longer be faithful nor unchanging - Hebrews 10:23; Malachi 3:6a

Is the God of Christianity that harsh to His children? To say that our salvation can be lost is a blasphemy against God's all loving grace and mercy towards a redeemed church.

For us to lose our salvation, which has been gloriously bought by the blood of Christ, would mean that God would be a liar and untrustworthy, but as He is holy and righteous and cannot look upon sin, the verses above show that indeed our salvation cannot be lost. 

I have commented HERE on the claim by some that if we are always saved then we can do what we want - that is called antinomianism and is unbibilical!